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Day 12…..Tuesday.

After a restless night with Several trips to the loo, I was woken by Papa bringing me a cup of tea.

Since I saw the midwife on the first occasion, I have had to cut down on the amount of coffee and tea I drink, which does not impress me very much. I like both coffee and tea very strong and the idea of weak milky tea is just wrong, I mean whats the point if you can’t taste it!

My cat Cally slept with me last night and was restless too, she wanted to cuddle up to you and I, but because I was restless she got grumpy and curled up on the end of the bed and settled there for most of the night. I took my tea in to Nana and Papa’s room and sat on the end of their bed. Nana had not slept well either. I think the events of yesterday have been playing on our minds and this is not ideal when you need a good nights sleep. Papa got ready for work and left while Nana and I had some breakfast. We made the beds, got dressed and I helped Nana put the washing on. I find I am getting so tired these days, it does not take long for me to feel the need to sit down and catch my breath and regroup before plodding on.

Nana made soup for dinner and we chattered about you, me and your father over a sandwich at lunch time. Talking about what I will need do in the days weeks and months before and after you are born. It feels strange to be talking about these things when I have still not got my head around the fact I am going to be a Mummy, or the fact that this is going to happen in just a few weeks. My brain and body are defiantly not working together right now.

Later in the afternoon I laid on the sofa and was joined by Cally who was insistent that she had to sleep with her head under my chin, we doze off to sleep. My phone rang.

‘Hello, is that Claire?’ asked the female voice ‘Yes!’ I confirmed.

‘This is Liverpool Women’s Hospital’ the gentle voice said. ‘Hello!’ I said somewhat confused. I confirmed all my details and the lady proceeded to say ‘We have the results of you amniocentesis tests back.’

‘You cant have, I only had the test yesterday and I was told the results would take four days at least.’

‘Well, sometimes the cultures grow very well and it can be very clear what the results are much earlier. Also when they are resoundingly normal is very obvious’ I could tell she was smiling.

‘Oh my god, Normal, No abnormalities, He’s Ok, No disabilities.’

‘That’s right Claire, your little boy is absolutely fine. Congratulations.’

Thank you, Thank you so much.’

Your Nana was sat on the floor next to me in floods of tears. I started to shake, and cry and laugh and ‘Oh my god, the test was normal.’

Your father was at work when I called. He asked if I was ok. I told him to sit down. I needed to talk to him. I repeated what the nurse had said and his response was one of relief, saying that was one less thing to worry about. We talked briefly about our days before your father went back to work. I wondered exactly how he was feeling about this news, because it is not clear to me at all.

Nana called Papa several times, then told him off for not answering her calls, I can hear him laughing, he knows she is playing. Nana told Papa the news and I can hear him saying what wonderful news it is. The second he walked in the door a couple of hours later, he opened a bottle of champagne and said we had to celebrate my amazing little boy and the life we have ahead of us. That was the smallest glass of champagne I have ever had, a mere sip, but enough to raise a glass to you.

We had soup and crusty bread for dinner, the kind of comfort food which only my Mum could ever make. We talked about all the adventures you will have as you grow up and what fun having you in our lives will be.

Tiredness overwhelms me again, but this time far worse than before. I decided to have a bath and then to go to bed. By the time I got up the stairs the emotion hit me like a wall, I sat on the bed and cried so so hard. I could not explain why, and I don’t think I needed to. Your Nana and Papa understand, they knew why. They cuddled me up and let me cry. I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. I can feel you moving and wonder if you know how I am feeling. Nana brought me some warm milk while I got ready for bed, I dont have the energy for a bath. I fell asleep within minutes, I dont even remember saying goodnight or turning off the light. I only remember thinking ‘Where is your father? I wish he was here’. but in my heart I know why he is not.’

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