Today is the day, today the whole world knows our news. Today other dreams have come true.
I slept, I really, really slept, and today is filled with nerves and excitement.
We left your father’s house and headed back to mine in the morning, stopping off to find some trousers more comfortable than my jeans, which where starting to feel just a little tight around the waist. There was very little to choose from but a pair of leggings and a big baggy jumper would do the job for now. At home I made some tea and did some jobs while your father plays about on his computer. He is withdrawn, I am not sure if the beer has left its mark, or if he is just nervous about seeing my Mum and Dad but he has hardly said a word all morning, I ask if he is ok but am met with a simple yes or barely acknowledged. I made lunch, cleaned the bathroom and sorted out washing and generally kept busy. I sat on the bed and cried again, I feel alone again, and I don’t know how we are going to cope over the next few weeks if we can’t communicate, I am frightened again.
Drying my tears and trying not to let them show I went down stairs to find your father has made tea and is insisting I sit down. He puts his arms around me and cuddled me up tight, and tells me everything will be ok. Did he hear me crying?
We left to go to Mum and Dads at 2:45pm. They welcomed us with the biggest of kisses and hugs and smiles, said how well we both looked and how nice Mum thought my new trousers and jumper looked!!! They looked very well too, and had stories galore of all their adventures in the snowy Canadian Rockies, of all our very dear friends, events I know and love from my own adventures over the years and then their news of the adventure they wanted to plan with us for next year!! Oh boy, Well, now or never. I beamed, and told them I think it would be wonderful for us to have an adventure with them next year but that it is something we would have to think about. ‘You see, We are having a baby’
There are squeals of joy,tears, lots and lots of tears, hugs, handshakes and then the long, long story of the last week. 25 weeks, no 26 weeks now! Feeling unwell, the doctor, telling my boss, telling your father, telling his brother, then not sleeping, the midwife, the scan, the consultant, the hernia, the possibilities, the diabetic test, the beer festival, our friends, all of it. The afternoon was taken up with it all, it disappeared into a haze of stories, shock, phone calls to friends and family, celebration of grandparents in waiting.
I can feel you kicking away in celebration of having the happiest, proudest, most shocked grandparents in the world. They are utterly thrilled. And at last I am too.
Dad opened the beer with your father and they talked. They talked for a long time, while Mum and I explored your kicks and made plans for the coming weeks. Then I realise your father is clearly expressing his thoughts, feelings and fears. They are all too apparent to everyone. Both Mum and Dad are very blunt with him, telling him exactly how they feel about what he is saying. The mood of celebration was somewhat tarnished and dulled, a feeling I have come to know well in this last week. refusing to allow this to happen Mum and Dad are up beat and do everything they can to lighten the mood and bring the focus back the most important thing, you.
We talked about so much it is hard to remember it all. All I do know is all afternoon and evening was taken up with chattering about you and all that was to come and amazingly thrilled your Nana and Papa are to know you are on your way.
Your Nana and Papa love you so very, very much. And although I might not have said it out loud before I love you, little man, and together we are going to make our world wonderful no matter what happens.