images

Day 6….Wednesday

Another sleepless night! Will I ever sleep normally again? No, Of course not. I know that now! But this is not the normal course of events is it. Women rarely find out they are pregnant at 25 weeks, and are rarely burdened with this level of stress. Pregnancy is not an illness so they say. It is supposed to be the very best time of your life, happy, exciting and memorable for all the right reasons. I feel like I am being robbed. I feel numb.

Another day at work brings support and understanding for those who know. Asking me how I am doing, how I feel, asking what they can do to help and telling me I must ask if I need anything. Truly I am overwhelmed, but I am so tired all I want to do is sleep and cry.

A very long day came to an end and on the way home I picked up the first of my pregnancy packs from Bounty. By the time I was home, had something to eat and soaked in the bath I was ready to fall asleep. Lavender oil on my pillow and two purring cats soon had me fast asleep.

Two hours later I was wide awake and reading the information from the Bounty pack and looking at adverts for cots and travel systems and nappies. ‘Holy Crap…..I’m going to be a Mummy!’ The pack came with and towel, a hat, a muslin square, washing powder,fabric softener and a dishwasher tablet, but since the dishwasher is in the middle of the back garden I doubt that will be much use. The rest of the leaflets I throw away.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Day 7…..Thursday

I settle back to sleep at 1:30 am and sleep soundly until 2:15am! This time I am awake until gone 5am. I simply can’t settle, that bounty pack has got me thinking about all the things I need to get ready for you when you arrive. By 7am when my utterly pointless alarm clock went off and I was fit to bust. I called my boss just after 9am and explained how I felt. I just need to relax and try to sleep. He understood and said he would see me on Monday as I had booked Friday off as holiday.

‘Oh god, The beer festival!’ your father and I are supposed to be going out with friends on Friday night. Strangely I feel as though seeing friends might be a good idea. Maybe doing something normal will help to relax me and being around positive people might help us both in different ways. I will see how I feel about it tomorrow.

For some reason I am sure my Mum and Dad are due to come home today. I have lost track of time. I slept for most of the morning and by mid afternoon I was up and heading to put some shopping into Mum and Dads fridge and was back home and asleep again shortly after. I slept for a couple of hours, put the washing on, watched tv and dosed on the sofa. I have no energy, I can’t make a fist and my legs feel like lead weights. I carefully answer an email from Mum and Dad, trying to be as upbeat and as normal as possible. I can’t tell them this news over an email or the phone, it would not be right.

I can feel you moving all the time now and it is comforting. I love knowing you are there.

Mum and Dad will be home tomorrow, and I can’t wait to see them. Their email tells me what an amazing holiday they have had and that they have some news to tell us and would like your father and I to have dinner with them on Saturday. I am puzzled about their news, but they say it is nothing to worry about. I feel a game of top trumps coming on!!

By the time I have had something to eat I am tired again and dozing on the sofa. The front door bell rings and I find your father on the doorstep.

I have another appointment at the hospital tomorrow at 8:45am. This time to have a blood test. This is to check I have not become Diabetic since becoming pregnant. As the appointment is so early, your father decided to come over so he did not get stuck in traffic. Besides this it also ment he could make sure I did not eat after midnight!

It has struck me that I have not asked your father once to come to the hospital with me, he has just done it, but I feel it is a hassle he would prefer not to have.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..